I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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