You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
