she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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