Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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