Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
