I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Operation Purity has been aborted
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Randomize
