CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
