some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize