I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
