He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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