forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Pooping to opera.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
