Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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