sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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