Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
