Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
