i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
