dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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