I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
