; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
