ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
