he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
