Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
