Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
