I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
