hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
