If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
