Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
