Umm I'm too high to move.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
