Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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