it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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