I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
