I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
