My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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