Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
