Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
