New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
