tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize