my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
