You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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