I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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