someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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