But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
