So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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