You smell like stripper and shame
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
