you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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