Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
