his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Everclear isn't food dammit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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