Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
