Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
