I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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