Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that's an acceptable place to lick
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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