Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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