hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
two words: eviction party
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
