We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize