she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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