Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
