I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
