note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
