You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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