Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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