toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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