haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
