I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
