how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
