This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
