i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
