You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
