soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
