I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's blow job season.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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