yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
