Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
